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I have zero Olympic medals…

…but I did receive a gold star in elementary school once. That’s gotta count for something, right? Right? Imagine if you are an Olympian and you trained four years in preparation for the biggest moment of your life. Suppose that your time to shine arrives and instead of throwing the shot put 40 thousand feet to win the gold, it ends up at your feet. Imagine how they must feel, training at a world class level for 1461 days (including leap year!) and not achieving anything for it. I would be pissed.

The reason why I don’t watch the Olympics is plain and simple, it’s boring. But Danny, it’s so inspiring and you should be rooting for your home country. Oh whoopee, we just won the bronze medal in curling. Seriously, how drunk and/or high did you have to be in order to invent this so called sport? Let’s throw this over sized puck on the ice at a target. But wait, we have to have people run in front of it and shave the ice like a bunch of crazy maniacs. Do people point and laugh at you if you tell them that you are a professional curler? Cause if you told me that was what you did, I would.

Don’t get me started on the whole gymnastics angle. Do all guys feel guilty watching this on TV? I don’t know about you guys but I feel like a pedophile watching anorexic 16 year old girls with zero cups doing a split on the balance beam.

Is America good at any sport anymore? Back in the days of the Dream Team (version 1 and 2), we would destroy other basketball teams by like 5 million points. Nowadays, we would be lucky to get any medal.

Just because of my Korean heritage, I have to mention the one sport that South Korea is good at, no, is dominant at. What event could a bunch of Asians just hold a stranglehold on? Archery my friends, bows and arrows. We are almost guaranteed gold in this event every time, heck, we hold almost every record for this event for both men’s and women’s. So if there’s one event I would have no problem watching it would be Archery, maybe Handball. (How is this an actual Olympic sport? It boggles my mind.)

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